Since I have last shared space with you.... I was blessed to be in Costa Rica for three weeks and I was inspired to just BE ...and not produce. Rare for this Gemini lady! So I mostly did no work and to be honest I just was not motivated to do much but simply breathe deep, bathe in the ocean and ponder my life whilst managing my 4 yrs old.
I walked most morning in the deep lush jungle by myself. Sometimes with many tears flowing, sometimes praying out loud or in song. Other moments I would simply be mesmerized by a pack of monkeys slumbering over trees, birds singing their praises to the Divine Mother and the potent green vibrancy of all that surrounded me. There was this new feeling
"everything is always as it should be. Even when it hurts." All in nature operates that way.
This one particular morning, my daughter and I gotten into another little tussle which always hurts my heart. A child's reflection on "your stuff" is so potent that you can only face the music when it comes. With great love. With a deep compassion. But getting to that place can take some inner wrestling. For me any way ; )
I took off on my jungle walk, and suddenly felt myself well up in tears, uncontrollable. Hoping no one was near by to hear me. Words uttered out loud from my mouth in search of an answer...feeling at my wits ends, with what took place that morning and, the fact that we have no home in LA currently and a few other things which were weighing on my heart.
Water from my eyes are pouring, and this is me out loud.. " Divine Mother, show me what to do! Why do feel this way? So much pain right now. Like I am so wrong...why can I not keep my patience? why does my body hurt? Show me! As I finish this last sentence, I am instantly stopped dead in my tracks as I gaze upon this most beautiful wild black horse in the middle of the jungle standing 4 feet in front of me. He stops munching on some brush and stares deeply into my eyes. We gaze into each other's soul for a minute or so. All time stops, there is nothing but this moment, the tears stops and my prayer is answered. Thank you....
It was one of those answers that you cannot ignore. Horse has been a medicine passed down from my mother and also to Sahej who is an avid rider at 4yrs old. Horse has always been my guide, representing strength, freedom, the power to change anything and everything in my life.
There was no way in that moment to ignore what was happening.
There was only thanking the Universe for the way it provided an immediate answer. In one breath, in one acknowledgment, all was healed for that moment. And the moment is all that we ever have.
When we allow ourselves our process and our tears, the answers come, the tears stop and the pain heals. Let us remember to ask for the help we need and let go of the resistance. Which always ends up hurting so much more.
With Great Love,