A Witness to My Own Madness


Sweet surrender is the name of the game. I hit a point where nothing left was working. I felt absolutely insane at times, watching myself act in ways only a crazy person would. People who see me think mostly I got IT together (whatever that means) but only we know in the depth of our soul the calling that knocks so loudly at the door of our hearts. And I have been ignoring mine for sometime and for a slew of valid excuses.

I always have known because of my experience with early morning Sadhana (Spiritual practice) that it is the most transformational and quick thing I can do to shift things in my self and my life. So in resolution of the extreme inner pain I have been feeling, I gathered community at the property we live on in Topanga so we could rally and support each other with an early morning Sadhana. Everyone was game and had been asking for it as well. It has not been without its challenges since I am breast feeding a 15 months old, but so very worth it. 

After only a week of being in my early morning Sadhana I am clear as day seeing the difference between my impatient, frustrated, and manic self and the regained depth of my breath,  patience and steadiness that I am now experiencing. When I was getting up at 7.30am, I did not even have time to do a meditation as my girl is up needing my full attention. And I had a 100 valid excuses of why I was up late working, breastfeeding all night and therefore unable to get up that early. Awaking at 5.30am, splashing cold water on my face and getting on the mat outdoors in the fresh air has been creating a new groove within me. A new pattern. Truth is, I never want to get up, I am always tired at that time and pissed that I have to get up! But I tell you, as soon as I hit that mat and take a few deep breaths, I thank God for another day of being able to show up for my practice, my prayer and my time to connect to the Divine within me before MASS consciousness awakens. Its pure magic and all of a sudden I wonder why I have not been doing this my whole life. I am such a better human being, wife and mother when I have had the time to truly center myself.

I am a witness to my own madness living inside of this technological age and given that I am sober for 8 years, and don’t even do caffeine and sugar anymore, I am a pretty grounded being. Still inside of that I am seeing how fast my mind moves, almost like the computer, like there is an evolution going on within me that I can’t even keep up with. I could  get off the grid completely and choose not to live inside of the techno age and deal with that. But I do choose to live in it and I choose to be sane. Early morning Sadhana is so powerful because between the hours of 4am-6.30am the sun is at a 60 degree angle to the Earth and it is the easiest time to cleanse your subconscious mind, that being the place where all the trash gets dumped. It needs cleaning! On a daily basis.

What I am seeing is that all the spiritual teaching that we have access to via the net as well as  some great teachers traveling around the world, it still lives very much in an intellectual way if there  is no steady practice. The early morning practice  is what gives you the true knowing and the wisdom, the experience of it. So with that, I hope you are inspired to take on a 40 day early morning practice and see how things shift in your life. Please feel free to reach out. I am attaching our 40 days practice below. We are doing 11 mins of each. Warm ups to begin with and chanting to finish it off. I will be posting a youtube shortly about this Sadhana, stay tuned!

This quote I read some years ago always stayed with me…

"Nothing can change the pattern of human destiny until the devotion is so strong that one is willing to sacrifice his patterns. And when that occurs, life is grantedly changed. Elevated consciousness is a surety. Happiness is around the corner." Yogi Bhajan

So very true….

In divine love,